How Can I Help You?

My day started like most others.

We all got up. My husband left for work, it was his duty day so it would be just me and the kids until the next morning.  By noon we had faced numerous meltdowns, and not just the children.  At least seven separate occasions arose throughout the morning. I asked for help with little things, like Please pick up your toys. Put your dishes in the sink. Don't jump when you're eating. Stop hitting your brother. Stop jumping off the couch. Along with the usual DON'T DO THAT! Each time I would ask kindly, gently, peacefully. Each time I was ignored as the children continued to run around screaming and giggling and ignoring. Until finally I would break. Yelling and growling in frustration, implementing time outs, and taking away toys. Each time I was met with wide eyes and arguments. Wondering why is she so mad? Why is she overreacting? Why is she being so unreasonable?

And I sit there wishing I could somehow explain that maybe, if they had listened the first five times that I asked nicely, then there wouldn't be a startling outburst of frustration. 

If you're a parent you probably are familiar with this scenerio. I mean, they've made memes about it. 

I try very hard not to lose my cool. I try my best to continue to teach my children to be kind, gentle, understanding, and to listen to one another. To see if they have done something wrong, especially against each other, and to correct it. 

While this was happening my newsfeeds on social media were flooded with reports of riots spreading across the country. People asking why these groups of people were being unreasonable, overreacting even.  "Why can't they just do this peacefully?" 

For the first time I saw pictures compiled, one after another. People protesting in quiet and simple ways. Trying to make their voices heard from all over the country in all manner of gentle, unobtrusive ways.  And yet, it seems no one heard them until their voices grew louder and angrier. 

And in my own way I felt a small understanding. 

Along with reports and videos of violence there are many voices rising up. Some people I am finding are angered by what they see, though not for the right reasons. I find a great wrong when people are holding the value of buildings and inanimate objects above the life and rights of human beings. After all, things can be replaced, and insurance covers damages. But a life once lost is never recovered and sends shock waves through families and communities, regardless of how it was lost. 

I cannot say that smashing windows and stealing things is right. (Though in instances such as this it is common for those doing so to be plants, not people passionate about a cause, but sent in to urge people on in their highly emotional state. Taking things and fleeing the scene quickly so as not to be involved further. Taking advantage. Why do people not speak about that?)  

I see complaining that "back in the day" a protest was peaceful. Martin Luther King's name is brought up saying "Why can't they just do it like that?" 

I feel like screaming.  Because things did not change after the people of color spoke up in the 50's and 60's - MLK was assassinated after all. And though segregation dwindled, hatred and ignorance still remained. Remains. It has been taught and handed down for generations. Somehow it is still believed that the color of your skin should determine your safety and opportunities.

A riot is a sad thing. They devastate a community, and also bring it together marvelously. 

"A riot is the language of the unheard."

Rev. Martin Luther King

So you ask, "How did it come to this?"

I ask, "What did you do to prevent it from happening?"  

Privilege is not a word that I particularly like. In fact it usually makes me cringe. But it is just that. I was born into a middle class white family. We struggled financially as many do. We did without things that seem trivial but that we could not afford. And though I still live in fear of being abducted and sold as a sex slave, or chopped up by an axe murderer in the dead of night by a home intruder (do I need to see a therapist?) or men saying things to me that make me want to bathe in bleach and burn my clothing, I never have feared for my life or been looked at funny because of my appearance. Why is that? 

 Granted, being a woman still has its disadvantages in this day and age. But at least I can vote if I want to, or have my own bank account without my father or husband's name on it.  (Thank you *suffragettes for rioting and protesting and enduring jail time for the future generations. Without you our voices would've been hushed, we may still be locked away for hysteria and not allowed to ride bicycles or trains for fear of our uteruses falling out of us - yes that was a "real" concern, listen about it here .) But I digress.

If you are angered by all that has happened in the past week, years, decades, I ask again, "What are YOU doing to help." What actions are you taking? How are you standing up to hatred that is so wide spread and deeply ingrained? If you are a God fearing person do not forget that we are called to love one another. Do not forget how love is defined. 

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Or forget even the simplest song we learned as children in Sunday school and VBS, "Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight."

"But not all cops are bad!" No. No they are not. "They're just a few bad apples." What do you do with the bad apples you find? You toss them. If someone takes an oath to protect and serve the people, to keep them safe, shouldn't they be held accountable by the public and their peers when they fail, purposely or ignorantly, to do so? I mean, if things were fair, shouldn't the mass shooters who didn't end things with shooting themselves also be treated in such a grave manner? Or the rapists who get a handful of months of jail time? Why were they led away to be questioned and not forced to the ground or shot in the back? If you see an injustice, it is your duty and privilege to say so, however you are able. Because the sad truth of the matter is that some people cannot, because no one will listen. 

As I stood there repeatedly asking for help from little people who listened but refused to hear me I felt my emotions rise and my collection begin to crack. I felt the tears and frustrations leak through. Until, like a neglected dam, it broke, I broke, and my emotions flooded out in a way that could not be ignored. 

In simple terms, if you understand how that feels then you understand in a small way how this week ended the way it did. This is your chance. If you are outraged over these events ask yourself why. Look at the reasons behind the escalation, and then look for ways to help. Be a Mister Rogers in a nation of scared people and depravity. In small ways, or big ways.  

Be the helper.