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No rest for the weary

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Shouldn't have done it. I should not have done it.

There I sat, rocking back and forth with a small child on my chest. He's asleep, limbs limp, drool flowing, little chest gently rising and falling. To my right sat my coffee cup only about 8 inches out of reach.  The sleep we had last night was mediocre at best, so why wouldn't he continue to nap now?

I stand up, walking slowly to the pack n play, and carefully lay him down. As that little body touched down and my arms slowly released...

Suddenly two large brown eyes stared widely accusing at me.

And now we are here. The child has been wide awake since 6:30 am. Twice he has drifted off in my arms and twice I have been given glares of betrayal when I have tried to put him down. We are approaching 6 hours of crankiness.

A parenting app on my phone informs me that at 10 months old my child could be sleeping "11-13 hours a night". A Facebook friend excitedly shares that her 8 week old slept 11 hours straight through the night.

This boy has found his freedom. Crawling. Standing occasionally. His spacial awareness grows by the hour turning his pack n play and crib into a prison enclosure which he is rarely fond of. We are fighting a new tooth attempting to break through, and a curious mind that does not want to stop exploring for even a second.

I think about how my mom had her first baby at 31, and 10 years later she had her fourth and last. I think about the energy level that I'm at right now and wonder how on earth she did it. I wonder how crazy am I for even thinking about a second one.

Obviously it's not impossible. Obviously it can still be a little crazy. Obviously my house will never be as clean as I wish it to be and will always have an element of chaos because: such is life.
I'm tired. I am so tired. Going on three days without a shower, but at least I've changed my underwear. Coffee number two is inevitable. 7 microwaved chicken nuggets are sustaining me at the moment. And now that the boy is finally down for a nap I don't even know where to begin on my long list of "needs to be done" so for now I'll just sit and enjoy the quiet that I know will not last.




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