This past week I turned 25 years old, and little baby boy turned 25 weeks gestationally. For the most part I can no longer hide the little bump that's constantly growing, and I am growing to accept and to enjoy that fact.
I spent my day off yesterday watching videos on YouTube about hypnobirthing, and a million TEDtalks on pregnancy, and childbirth, and everything relating. I finished my day by watching (and then re watching with my husband) The Business of Being Born which was absolutely fascinating. I seriously could not get enough.
I was hungry for all the information that I could cram into my my brain.
Hearing stories from mothers, midwives, husbands, and doctors, I felt like I gained insight into something that the media portrays as scary and super chaotic.
I felt strengthened in the desires and excitement that I already felt about labor and delivery.
We are 15 weeks out from our due date, every day inching closer. I start to think about all the things we need to do to get ready for this beautiful little boy. We need to buy a crib and a stroller and clothes and figure out diapers, figure out breast pumps from insurance, prep postpartum meals...and clean the crap out of my house. Something I would be doing today were it not for the lovely growing pains keeping me on my butt.
I was surprised with some birthday presents from my precious brother, who gifted me with some of our favorite childhood books. And it felt good to sit with them and feel him kick and move while I read aloud, and giggled with nostalgia, as I rubbed my belly and imagined him listening and enjoying the silly stories that I've loved so much.
And between watching these documentaries and feeling this precious one move around and interact with me I started thinking to myself that I could not imagine going through the delivery without feeling, without really experiencing what it is taking to meet this little one.
My mother had all four of her babes naturally. Something that growing up I knew was big, and something the doctors don't see often, but it wasn't something that I really thought much about. I mean, who would want to endure that pain voluntarily? And part of her reasons were strongly influenced by different birthing methods that strongly preached against medication on behalf of what they would do to the baby, and claiming that a lot of what goes on is really for the ease and speed of the doctors, not so much the mothers. I would just nod and pretend to listen then.
Now I've immersed myself. I want to hear every one's experiences. To glean what I can from each one's differences. Seeing some of these recorded birth stories has prompted me to go towards a birth as natural as possible. Not completely for the sake of baby, but because when I see these laboring mothers with epidurals or laughing gas their faces are just doped and blank and a lot of them need to be informed that their baby just came out...
I mean, I'm not a huge fan of pain, I'm not crazy. And yeah, if it really gets to be too much I'll be crying uncle. But watching these woman's stories produces a primal instinct to just be present through it all. To feel it and cry and scream and struggle and swear and push and breathe that huge breath of relief after that final surge and to know what my body has accomplished, and to see with a clear mind the new little life in my arms.
I'll admit that I really don't know what to expect, this being my first time. But I know that what I hope for is not impossible. I've been surrounded by amazing and strong women throughout my life that have shown me that. And I hope to join those ranks in the next couple months...
I spent my day off yesterday watching videos on YouTube about hypnobirthing, and a million TEDtalks on pregnancy, and childbirth, and everything relating. I finished my day by watching (and then re watching with my husband) The Business of Being Born which was absolutely fascinating. I seriously could not get enough.
I was hungry for all the information that I could cram into my my brain.
Hearing stories from mothers, midwives, husbands, and doctors, I felt like I gained insight into something that the media portrays as scary and super chaotic.
I felt strengthened in the desires and excitement that I already felt about labor and delivery.
We are 15 weeks out from our due date, every day inching closer. I start to think about all the things we need to do to get ready for this beautiful little boy. We need to buy a crib and a stroller and clothes and figure out diapers, figure out breast pumps from insurance, prep postpartum meals...and clean the crap out of my house. Something I would be doing today were it not for the lovely growing pains keeping me on my butt.
I was surprised with some birthday presents from my precious brother, who gifted me with some of our favorite childhood books. And it felt good to sit with them and feel him kick and move while I read aloud, and giggled with nostalgia, as I rubbed my belly and imagined him listening and enjoying the silly stories that I've loved so much.
And between watching these documentaries and feeling this precious one move around and interact with me I started thinking to myself that I could not imagine going through the delivery without feeling, without really experiencing what it is taking to meet this little one.
My mother had all four of her babes naturally. Something that growing up I knew was big, and something the doctors don't see often, but it wasn't something that I really thought much about. I mean, who would want to endure that pain voluntarily? And part of her reasons were strongly influenced by different birthing methods that strongly preached against medication on behalf of what they would do to the baby, and claiming that a lot of what goes on is really for the ease and speed of the doctors, not so much the mothers. I would just nod and pretend to listen then.
Now I've immersed myself. I want to hear every one's experiences. To glean what I can from each one's differences. Seeing some of these recorded birth stories has prompted me to go towards a birth as natural as possible. Not completely for the sake of baby, but because when I see these laboring mothers with epidurals or laughing gas their faces are just doped and blank and a lot of them need to be informed that their baby just came out...
I mean, I'm not a huge fan of pain, I'm not crazy. And yeah, if it really gets to be too much I'll be crying uncle. But watching these woman's stories produces a primal instinct to just be present through it all. To feel it and cry and scream and struggle and swear and push and breathe that huge breath of relief after that final surge and to know what my body has accomplished, and to see with a clear mind the new little life in my arms.
I'll admit that I really don't know what to expect, this being my first time. But I know that what I hope for is not impossible. I've been surrounded by amazing and strong women throughout my life that have shown me that. And I hope to join those ranks in the next couple months...
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